Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Twelve Days

Hi guys. I guess you’ve probably noticed my absence from the website recently. Well, I’ve finally felt good enough to post something. So here goes. I’ve been in the hospital for the last twelve days and I’m still not sure when I will get out. Hopefully soon. Hopefully. I’m definitely ready.

Unfortunately, I was pretty sick when I arrived. I started out with an infection that made its way into my transplanted kidney and then into my bloodstream. Not good. Not fun.

But what makes matters much more difficult is that for more than a year now, my transplanted kidney has not been doing it’s best. I chose not to tell anyone because I wanted to focus on being positive, but I’ve slowly had to come to terms that my kidney, the wonderful gift of life given to me more than eighteen years ago will not be with me forever. Actually, something I never really expected to happen. But I was so young when I received it and it has done so superbly over the years, I never had a reason to question its lifespan. I’ve learned recently however, that 18 years is fantastic for a transplanted kidney and even better since mine was from a deceased donor. I can’t tell you how hard it is to accept that I will have to let this kidney go. Feelings of letting my deceased donor down fill my heart with sadness.

But it is happening. And faster than I anticipated. Before getting sick two weeks ago, I had begun the process to be re-evaluated for another kidney transplant and to be added to the transplant waiting list. In the meantime, my mom is being tested to be a possible donor. I had thought I would have time to do all of this and hopefully have surgery and not skip a beat with my job or with this website that I enjoy sharing with you so much.

No such luck. Since I’ve been here, I’ve started dialysis to take some stress off my distressed kidney while it tries to heal. The hope is that I would be on dialysis for a short while, giving my transplanted kidney time to recuperate. Then, go off dialysis and try to squeak a few more months out before surgery is needed.

The alternative, though which is just as possible is that 1) I’ll be on dialysis until my mom is confirmed as a donor or 2) My mom is not a potential donor and then I would stay on dialysis while I wait on the list for a kidney to become available.

So that’s what’s been going on. That’s the reason for the lack of cake pops and cupcakes and cute. I just wanted to let you know something and thank everyone for their wonderful and inspiring get well wishes. You guys are a huge bright spot in my life. You have no idea how much.

Hugs,
Bakerella

201
Emily said...

I’ve also never commented before but have read for a long time, I love your blog to pieces! Fingers and toes and everything else crossed for a speedy recovery and for a new healthy kidney for you!

March 9, 2011 06:48 PM
202
flowerpress said...

I’m so sorry, that sounds really hard.
Hoping things are better very soon.
Susie

March 9, 2011 06:48 PM
203
suzie said...

oh bakerella this is such sad news, i hope you are getting well looked after by some amazing nurses and doctors and they are taking care of you during this tough time
stay positive!!

March 9, 2011 06:50 PM
204
Jane said...

I, too, am a long time reader and first time commenter. I was planning to drive to see you in Minneapolis, then I got an email from WS saying that your visit was canceled. Bakerella, I send best wishes and health your way. You are greatly missed and I look forward to your return. Speedy and complete recovery to you! : )

March 9, 2011 06:50 PM
205
Molly said...

Best of luck, Bakerella! All your faithful readers are thinking of you :)

March 9, 2011 06:50 PM
206
AEC said...

So sorry to hear about your health. We miss you and hope you get better soon!

March 9, 2011 06:51 PM
207
CakeStory said...

Angie, you have been such an inspiration and everything you do has such a special touch. Know that we are all behind you (scattered throughout the WORLD) and hoping you get well. Muah!

March 9, 2011 06:51 PM
208
Jennine said...

I donated my kidney in 2006. I can assure you, dear woman, that you are not letting anyone, including the deceased donor, down.

Please, please let go of that negative emotion. The donor would not want you to feel that way.

I hope you feel better!

March 9, 2011 06:51 PM
209
Nikta Pirouz said...

bakerella,
you have seriously brought so much fun and deliciousness into my life. but not just with your cake pops and beutiful photography, your posts have really inspired me! It is so great to read about your successes! I am so sad to hear that you are in the hospital. I hope you feel better real soon. In the meantime just bask in all the well wishes and love that are coming your way!

March 9, 2011 06:52 PM
210
mimi said...

Thoughts and prayers are with you xoxo

March 9, 2011 06:52 PM
211
Amy said...

Bakerella, you are in my thoughts and prayers! You have certainly not let anyone down!! I’m sure your previous donor and future donor will be honored by all you have accomplished! You amaze us all and I can’t wait to see what you dream up while you take time to recover!! (I dream in desserts too!) xo, Amy, The Sugar Fairy

March 9, 2011 06:54 PM
212
Tanya said...

So many of us are thinking of you and pulling for you. I’ll be sending many positive thoughts your way!

March 9, 2011 06:54 PM
213
Lisa Casey said...

I am so sorry to hear that! I will be praying for you

March 9, 2011 06:54 PM
214
Holly said...

Hi Bakerella,
I just found you, actually just purchased your Cake Pop’s book today…and was searching for your blog when I saw this & saw your comment posted today. I wish you a quick recovery and sending good thoughts your way about a donor. Take care.
Holly

March 9, 2011 06:55 PM
215
Kris said...

I am sending you lots of warm fuzzies and well wishes. I am sending you wishes for a speedy recovery. maybe some kidney shaped cakepops are in order to celebrate your transplanted kidney and the great job it has done!!

March 9, 2011 06:55 PM
216
Kimmie said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Lots of bear hugs and well wishes. Feel better soon!!

March 9, 2011 06:55 PM
217
Ale said...

Sweetie I’m sorry to hear that but don’t worry we’ll be all here waiting for you. Just focus on getting better and don’t think you’re letting anybody down, I’m sure you’ve made a great work taking care of that kidney for the last 18 years.
You’ll be back making awesome cakepops before you realize.
Get well soon. Best wishes from Spain:

Alejandra

March 9, 2011 06:55 PM
218
Tricia said...

So, so sorry to hear all of this. I’m praying for you and a return to health. You’ve made so many people happy with your creativity. I am sure all of that love is being channeled back to you.

March 9, 2011 06:55 PM
219
Lori said...

Always know we are in the virtual hall cheering you on and sending healing thoughts your way. Praying you’ll get through this bump in the road and be able to carry on. We’ll miss you for now but I will continue to be a loyal follower.
Stay postive. Always look for the lesson in your situation. Life throws you curves.
Lori from Port Perry

March 9, 2011 06:56 PM
220
morning glory said...

Bakerella, don’t give up hope. I’ve been reading lots about the cleansing effects of ordinary fruits and vegetables minus the flours and sugars we all love so much, that give our system a chance to refresh and heal. I am fairly new to your site…my daughter told me about you :). I am praying for you…God bless you!

March 9, 2011 06:56 PM
221
Marcie L said...

Praying for you, that this all works out in the best way possible. Thanks for sharing this with us….

March 9, 2011 06:57 PM
222
Jamie said...

I have recently decovered your website and I most say that I am in love with all that you have done. I hope that you feel better soon. I know that dialysis is tough and my thoughts and prayers are with you. My thoughts and prayers are also with your Mother as she goes through the testing and possible sonation of one of her kidneys. She is a hero just for trying. Thank you for all that you have done and the inspiration that you have given me and so many people.

March 9, 2011 06:57 PM
223
JulieD said...

Angie, I’m so sorry to hear this. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling. Thinking of you and sending you positive vibes. I hope everything works out and soon!

March 9, 2011 06:57 PM
224
Pure2raw twins said...

So sorry to hear this. We are thinking of you and sending good vibes and hugs your way!

March 9, 2011 06:57 PM
225
coupon woman said...

Lots of prayers and speedy recovery wishes coming your way.

March 9, 2011 06:58 PM
226
Kim said...

I am so sorry to hear that you’ve been in the hospital and about your kidney. I hope you can find a match soon and I’m praying for a quick recovery.

March 9, 2011 06:58 PM
227
Laura said...

I just wanted to wish you the best! I really enjoy your website (I’ve been reading since before you were featured on the Martha Stewart Show, and I remember being so happy for you!!) and your wonderful personality comes through your writing and photos. I’m sure everything will work out for the best. Please give yourself the rest you need!

March 9, 2011 06:58 PM
228
Kristi B said...

I am so sorry to hear things aren’t going well. Prayers for you (and your Mom) and hopes for a speedy recovery :)

March 9, 2011 07:00 PM
229
Danielle said...

You’re in my thoughts!! Perhaps I’ll try my hand at another batch of cake pops this weekend in your honor… my first few attempts were less than successful :)

March 9, 2011 07:00 PM
230
GrĂ¡inne @ Uplifting Food said...

Hope you get a new kidney soon and that the treatment in the mean time gets you back to baking health. I have one uncle is currently having dialysis while awaiting a kidney transplant here in Ireland and his sister, my aunt, had 4-5 transplants over her life, I remember when she would come to Ireland from Scotland where she lived and my mum would have dialysis arranged for her here.

Hoping to see you back blogging soon.

March 9, 2011 07:01 PM
231
Kimberly said...

It saddens my heart to hear your news and my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. In following your blog and by that, your life – You are a strong woman and you will get through this with flying colors!! Stay rested. And to repeat a previous post, “don’t worry about us, we’ll be here when you get back”!!

March 9, 2011 07:01 PM
232
Tiki said...

Thinking of you and hoping for a speedy recovery! Best wishes to you and your mom.

March 9, 2011 07:02 PM
233
tina said...

Thoughts and prayers are with you. What a blessing to have the wonderful donated kidney for this long. My mother has a donated kidney from her sister that she received 5 years ago and she is doing well. My father is undergoing dialysis 4 days a week and on a list for one as well. I have an idea of what your going through and it’s not easy. I hope you find all these well wishes and positive thoughts close to your heart. I love your blog and your so inspiring. Keep the positive thoughts and that bright smile.

March 9, 2011 07:02 PM
234
Liz said...

I wish there was something I could do, you could have both my kidneys and I wouldn’t consider it a bad trade for the joy you have brought into my life with you wonderful talents. Love and prayers.(and cake pops)

March 9, 2011 07:03 PM
235
Karla said...

Hey Bakerella. I really hope things are going well for you, and I hope that you start to feel better soon. Hopefully they will have a new kidney for you soon and you can get back to baking all those wonderful and cute things you do. Good luck! I look forward to seeing you up and well and posting again soon.

March 9, 2011 07:03 PM
236
Kathy said...

Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way. You bring so much sweet fun and happiness to all of us who enjoy your blog – I hope you’re feeling all of that love and support coming back your way as we hold you in our hearts during this challenging time.

March 9, 2011 07:03 PM
237
Seanna Lea said...

Oh my goodness! I wish you the best of luck. I should double check that I am on the donor registry. I know I signed up to be a marrow donor. I have you and your mom in my heart! Well wishes.

March 9, 2011 07:03 PM
238
Breezi@Not your Average Fairytale said...

We love you, dear Bakerella. I wish you so much luck and success finding a donor. :D

March 9, 2011 07:04 PM
239
Karen C said...

Get Well Soon! Sending bigs hugs and kisses and neverending hope your way xoxoxoxo

March 9, 2011 07:04 PM
240
Susan said...

Sending prayers for wellness and healing your way!

March 9, 2011 07:04 PM
241
Kim L in ATL said...

My heart and prayers are with you! Big Hugs – Bakerella!!!

March 9, 2011 07:05 PM
242
Lauren said...

Bakerella you are strong, wonderful, inspiring, and fabulous and you will make it through this! Stay positive :)

March 9, 2011 07:05 PM
243
Deon said...

You (and your mom!) will be in my thoughts and prayers. Take comfort in knowing how many people care about you–you who happens to be someone we’ve never met but whom we consider to be our buddy and pal and coffee klatch girlfriend. That takes talent, and you have it in spades! Not to mention your baking talent, obv . . . . You are wonderful!

March 9, 2011 07:05 PM
244
Jessica K. said...

I’ll be thinking and praying for you. My grandfather was on dialysis for over 12 years and I know how very hard it is.

March 9, 2011 07:05 PM
245
Kim H said...

Best of luck and my fingers are crossed for you!

March 9, 2011 07:05 PM
246
Jessica said...

You are an inspiration! I am a long time reader and have been continually amazed at your accomplishments! Just think.. after this, you’ll have roaring to go with a whole new kidney! Stay positive and know you are loved!

March 9, 2011 07:06 PM
247
MOXIELisa said...

Sending you lots of good vibes from our family!

March 9, 2011 07:06 PM
248
Belinda said...

Praying for a speedy match, surgery, and recovery! I miss your posts and I hope you feel better soon!

March 9, 2011 07:07 PM
249
tami said...

oh!!!! bummed to hear this news…but you sound like you’re in good spirits and hanging in there. i’ll keep you in my thoughts and we’re same city neighbors so please let me know if there is anything i can do!

- t*

March 9, 2011 07:07 PM
250
Tricia said...

Sending you all best wishes for a speedy and restful recovery. Take care of yourself and know that you are missed!!

March 9, 2011 07:07 PM
251
bakerella said...

Tears are flowing. I love you guys. Thank you again for all your kind words. I appreciate it so much.

March 9, 2011 07:07 PM
252
ROBERTA said...

I hope everything works out for you in the best way possible.
I love your cake pops. You are my baking inspiration!

March 9, 2011 07:08 PM
253
Heather said...

I’m thinking of you and sending you good vibes for a really quick recovery!!

March 9, 2011 07:08 PM
254
Sarah@Neoteric.Traditional said...

Well, now you’ve got a great big prayer group going, and you do seem to be able to muster some positive attitude I hope you get an answer soon!

March 9, 2011 07:09 PM
255
Missy B said...

Prayers and loving thoughts to you Bakerella.

March 9, 2011 07:10 PM
256
rebecca halls said...

you are a beautiful person and i wish you a speedy recovery. thanks for always making me smile!

March 9, 2011 07:10 PM
257
mickey said...

Thought of you today as I drove thru Starbucks and saw that they are doing their own version of “CakePops”. Came by to see what was going on with you.
Sending you much love and wishes for a healthy kidney.
mickey

March 9, 2011 07:10 PM
258
Cara said...

Sending lots of positive, warm thoughts your way! Thank you for sharing your story with us…. get lots of rest and don’t worry, we’ll all bake enough for you in the meantime!

March 9, 2011 07:10 PM
259
Tiffany said...

You are in my prayers. Get better soon and thank you for sharing all of this with us. Praying for miracles for you.

March 9, 2011 07:11 PM
260
Kasey said...

Sending prayers and positive thoughts your way! I’m glad to hear that you’re not as sick as when you got to the hospital and I hope that this whole process is over for you soon! Stay positive and take care of yourself… we’ll all be here when your healthy!

March 9, 2011 07:12 PM
261
Rebecca said...

Sorry to hear you are so unwell. Be proud that you have kept your donor organ alive for so many years.

I hope you will find a new donor organ soon, until then know that your many, many admirers all over the world are sending you their best wishes.

Being able to help someone like you who gives so much to others is the best example for why everyone should tick the Organ Donor box and confirm these wishes with their loved ones. I wont be taking my organs to heaven, I know that many folk are in need of them here.

Warm wishes from Australia

March 9, 2011 07:12 PM
262
AprilA said...

I have been a reader of your blog for a while now, but never really commented.. but I wanted to let you know that you are in my prayers and I wish you and your family the best! Hugs!

March 9, 2011 07:12 PM
263
Jessiker @ Jessiker Bakes said...

Oh Angie! It’s really saddening to hear all of this but you’ll be in my prayers and I do hope the process is as painless and quick as possible. You’re a real inspiration to many of us and I know everyone just wants to see you getting better; I know you certainly will! :)

March 9, 2011 07:13 PM
264
Joelle said...

Oh my goodness! I am so sorry you are having such a tough time right now. You are such a bright spot in this crazy blog world. :) Best wishes to you for a quick recovery and wonderful health to come.

March 9, 2011 07:13 PM
265
Shelby said...

Sending lots of good thoughts your way! Wishes to you for a match soon, and a speedy and successful recovery!

March 9, 2011 07:13 PM
266
Ela said...

Sending prayers your way. I hope your mom is a match. ((((hugs))))

March 9, 2011 07:13 PM
267
Tammy said...

Praying for you and yours.

March 9, 2011 07:13 PM
268
kelly said...

I’m such a huge fan and am so sad to hear about your illness. i am praying for you and your mom! if she is not a match, is there a potential for others to be tested to be a match? i would love to try! i’m completely open to living donations

March 9, 2011 07:14 PM
269
Farrah said...

Luv n hugs sending your way. Wish you well quick and a SPEEEDY recovery!

March 9, 2011 07:14 PM
270
Kate said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Wishing you a speedy recovery!

March 9, 2011 07:14 PM
271
Jessica H said...

I can wait for cake pops. I’m so glad you are taking the time to heal. Prayers and positive thoughts are coming your way.

March 9, 2011 07:15 PM
272
KariAnn said...

You will be in my thoughts. Hoping for a quick and healthy recovery for you, and your mom if she is a match…crossing fingers! I think I may make some cake pops this week in your honor! <3

March 9, 2011 07:15 PM
273
Jeanelle said...

I’m so sorry to hear you’ve not been well. Lots more prayers coming your way from my corner of the world!

March 9, 2011 07:16 PM
274
Sue said...

What a trooper you are! Your positive attitude will take you far. I will keep you in my prayers, Angie. I hope you have a healthy new kidney soon and a speedy recovery! We’re all rooting for you! XOXO

March 9, 2011 07:17 PM
275
Mich said...

All my prayers for your speedy recovery. God bless you. You are my inspiration.

March 9, 2011 07:17 PM
276
Sarah G. said...

You don’t know me—I’m a lurker and I’ve been reading your blog only for a few months now.

But oh my goodness, I had no idea you were facing these awfully tough decisions. Praying for you, and for your mom and for your kidney present and kidney future. And your doctors and nurses.

Don’t feel like you let your donor down—that kidney saved your life, yes? And don’t you think that even if it had only “worked” for just a day, or two, that the donor would have been grateful they could have helped that much? That it has lasted so many years is a testimony both to the strength of the gift-giver and the strength and tenacity of the gift-receiver. :)

Take care of yourself, first and foremost.

Sarah

March 9, 2011 07:17 PM
277
Amber H said...

Bakerella: I haven’t been a follower of your blog for very long (to be honest only like 13 days). I found your link on PW – so glad she had you on there to direct me to your site. Its absoultley wonderful. I really hope that you start feeling better and will keep you in my prayers that your mother is a donor and that if she isn’t that you will find someone fast. My prior boss had the same issues and I know the struggles, tears, hurt, and stress that goes with it all. I send 100% positive thoughts your way and I know you will make it through with flying colors!!!

March 9, 2011 07:17 PM
278
Liz Yam said...

Best of luck on your recovery, Bakerella.

March 9, 2011 07:19 PM
279
TheRachelS said...

Gah, sending love your way, Bakerella. I am a medical social worker and have worked with many patients (from pediatrics to adults) with renal issues, including dialysis and transplant. I know that it is not an easy go, but hang in there. We’re cheering you (and your graft, and your mom, and your medical team) on!

March 9, 2011 07:19 PM
280
Sue said...

feel better soon. Hope you find a perfect donor. Hopefully someone can bring some cute to you in your hospital room!

March 9, 2011 07:19 PM
281
Debbie said...

Stay positive! Hopefully things will work out easily and quickly for you. I have never posted before, but I enjoy your blog and all the cuteness! Thanks for sharing your creative talents and your joy with the world.

March 9, 2011 07:20 PM
282
elle said...

I have always enjoyed your site full of so many sweet treats and have even made the pops a few times!! I’m sorry you are not feeling well… Sending loving and healing vibes your way. xo

March 9, 2011 07:20 PM
283
Catherine said...

Wish I could give you one of mine since I was born with 4. Unfortunately they are not full size. :( But I sure sympathize with you on being in the hospital because of them! NO FUN! Get well soon and prayers your way!

March 9, 2011 07:20 PM
284
katie said...

Prayers for you! :(

March 9, 2011 07:21 PM
285
Hannah said...

Take care of yourself! Don’t worry about us! Best wishes in a speedy recovery and finding a proper donor.

March 9, 2011 07:21 PM
286
Vanessa said...

prayers sent up for you!! I am sure you have made your original donor very happy by taking such good care of the kidney you have had for the past 18 years… so I hope that you don’t hold too much sadness over it. here’s to hoping you are back up to cake popping soon!!! God Bless!!

March 9, 2011 07:21 PM
287
Ursula said...

I was hoping you were going to tell us you were busy on another leg of your book tour. Wishing you much love and support!

March 9, 2011 07:22 PM
288
Dani said...

Well wishes and good thoughts for a speedy recovery! You bring so much happiness and sweetness into the world, I’m hoping that nothing but happiness and sweetness finds its way back to you!

Love,
A teacher with a classroom of kids who adore your cake pops :)

March 9, 2011 07:22 PM
289
the emily said...

oh friend. I am so sorry for you. I wish I could somehow help. Kidney problems are the worst. I only have one kidney or I would give you mine. For real! Good luck in the coming days.

March 9, 2011 07:23 PM
290
Lydia said...

:( I hope you feel better soon! :)

March 9, 2011 07:24 PM
291
Meghan @ Domestic Sugar said...

Wishing you a quick recovery. I’m not the sharing blood type… I actually considered asking you if you would take one of mine. Lots of love.

March 9, 2011 07:25 PM
292
Tiff Smith said...

I’ll be praying for you during this time of upheaval. You have been and will be missed but I think it’s safe to say that your followers will all be here when you are back sporting a new kidney. Blessings to your mum too, for going through the process with you.

March 9, 2011 07:25 PM
293
Randi said...

So sorry to hear this and praying that you will get a kidney very soon.

March 9, 2011 07:26 PM
294
Carissa said...

Prayers to you and your family for comfort and healing and getting the heck out of the hospital! Nothing compares to the hopes and prayers of many, so keep your chin up and I hope you feel better soon!

March 9, 2011 07:26 PM
295
Elaine Allen said...

Angie -

Keeping you in my prayers and hoping that everything falls into place to make you healthy again. Keep your chin up sweetie, we love you. God Bless!

Elaine Allen

March 9, 2011 07:26 PM
296
Bubble and Sweet said...

My sister in law’s sister is going through the same thing and they have found out her husband is compatible (first kidney when she was a teenager from her dad). He sent out a message to all ‘rumor has it she only married me for my kidney’ (they have 2 kids and been married for ever). It’s good they can keep a sense of humor with everything going on. My heartfelt wishes are with both of you.

March 9, 2011 07:27 PM
297
Sarah said...

Sending you amazing positive vibes… and cooking cake pops for a party with you in mind!

March 9, 2011 07:27 PM
298
Sally said...

Best wishes for a healthy recovery! Know that we will all keep baking in your honour while you are on the mend! Blessings from Canada XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

March 9, 2011 07:28 PM
299
Ruby said...

I was just telling a friend and fellow Bakerella follower yesterday that I hoped you weren’t having health problems and we were bummed to learn today that it was true. You are so sweet to think of us while you’re in the hospital and write this post to keep us informed. I will add you to my prayer list. Hope you feel better soon. God bless you!

March 9, 2011 07:28 PM
300
Kelly said...

Thoughts and prayers to you and your family as you navigate these rough waters. May all the happiness and good feelings you have brought to all of us be returned to you in double.

March 9, 2011 07:31 PM
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