Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Twelve Days

Hi guys. I guess you’ve probably noticed my absence from the website recently. Well, I’ve finally felt good enough to post something. So here goes. I’ve been in the hospital for the last twelve days and I’m still not sure when I will get out. Hopefully soon. Hopefully. I’m definitely ready.

Unfortunately, I was pretty sick when I arrived. I started out with an infection that made its way into my transplanted kidney and then into my bloodstream. Not good. Not fun.

But what makes matters much more difficult is that for more than a year now, my transplanted kidney has not been doing it’s best. I chose not to tell anyone because I wanted to focus on being positive, but I’ve slowly had to come to terms that my kidney, the wonderful gift of life given to me more than eighteen years ago will not be with me forever. Actually, something I never really expected to happen. But I was so young when I received it and it has done so superbly over the years, I never had a reason to question its lifespan. I’ve learned recently however, that 18 years is fantastic for a transplanted kidney and even better since mine was from a deceased donor. I can’t tell you how hard it is to accept that I will have to let this kidney go. Feelings of letting my deceased donor down fill my heart with sadness.

But it is happening. And faster than I anticipated. Before getting sick two weeks ago, I had begun the process to be re-evaluated for another kidney transplant and to be added to the transplant waiting list. In the meantime, my mom is being tested to be a possible donor. I had thought I would have time to do all of this and hopefully have surgery and not skip a beat with my job or with this website that I enjoy sharing with you so much.

No such luck. Since I’ve been here, I’ve started dialysis to take some stress off my distressed kidney while it tries to heal. The hope is that I would be on dialysis for a short while, giving my transplanted kidney time to recuperate. Then, go off dialysis and try to squeak a few more months out before surgery is needed.

The alternative, though which is just as possible is that 1) I’ll be on dialysis until my mom is confirmed as a donor or 2) My mom is not a potential donor and then I would stay on dialysis while I wait on the list for a kidney to become available.

So that’s what’s been going on. That’s the reason for the lack of cake pops and cupcakes and cute. I just wanted to let you know something and thank everyone for their wonderful and inspiring get well wishes. You guys are a huge bright spot in my life. You have no idea how much.

Hugs,
Bakerella

401
lia said...

Do NOT feel like you’re letting your donor down! 18 years is AMAZING! And think about all the joy you’ve brought into so many lives during those 18 years! I know I am just one of MANY MANY readers who do a little happy dance every time you post. Your cake pops have raised money for cancer research, helped a couple get engaged, brought smiles to young & old faces! You are awesome and your donor is looking down with pride.

I’m off to Ash Wednesday mass & I will be praying for you!

March 9, 2011 08:13 PM
402
kristy taylor said...

i’ve never commented before.. and it makes me sad that i haven’t done so before.. but my thoughts & prayers are with you & your mom… you are surrounded by so many people in thought who’s lives you have touched through this website. may the positive thoughts lift you up & carry you through to the other side!

March 9, 2011 08:13 PM
403
Audrey @ Sweet Cheeks said...

I’m sending all of my very best wishes your way for a full and speedy recovery! You have inspired me SO much, meeting you at your book signing last Fall was so thrilling….my side business wouldn’t exist without you! Finding your blog gave me the inspiration I needed to dare to try something of my own. I’ll be thinking of you!!!

March 9, 2011 08:14 PM
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Louise Goss said...

Thinking of you and your family… Sending you good healthy vibes and hoping that good things happen real soon.. You are my inspiration for cake pops and many caking things recently…
Love ya get well real soon xo

March 9, 2011 08:14 PM
405
Cyndi Harris said...

Take care. I hope your mom’s a match and life gets back to normal soon. My husband’s had two kidney transplants (from two dear sisters) and is on the list for the first time since he has no more related donors. My heart goes out to you and I hope for the best for you!

March 9, 2011 08:14 PM
406
Rachel said...

I too have missed your posts and worried about your absence. I love your blog so much and am officially cakeball obsessed! I hope it works out with your mom to be a match. We are all pulling for you!

March 9, 2011 08:16 PM
407
yvonnew said...

Warm fuzzies your way Bakerella. You will not let your donor down at all – 18 years is simply amazing and so are you. Stay well, stay strong and I will cross my fingers for a positive match from your mom. You are a shining star.

March 9, 2011 08:16 PM
408
Kate S. said...

Wishing the best of news for you. I’m so sorry to hear you’re not feeling well.

March 9, 2011 08:17 PM
409
Laura said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Take care of yourself, we’ll all be waiting here for your return when you are well again.

March 9, 2011 08:18 PM
410
Kalee said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers!!!

March 9, 2011 08:18 PM
411
Jen mcDonald said...

sending healthy wishes your way. Hope you are able to recover soon!

March 9, 2011 08:18 PM
412
nancy rafi said...

i’ve never commented on your blog before, but have been following you for quite a while. you always put a smile on my face with your beautiful photos and great energy. i wish you a speedy recovery – from either your new matching kidney or your mom’s donation. it’s never easy to accept that we aren’t superwoman, but this is just a temporary setback. good things will happen and you’ll be back to baking sooner than you think. we’re all out here rooting for you and sending you good energy.

March 9, 2011 08:19 PM
413
Claire said...

I wish you a fast match with a long-lasting transplant & a speedy recovery. YOU have brought joy & smiles & the cute into SO many households. Your blog is a bright spot in my life. We will all be here when you are better & can post again! :) {{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}

March 9, 2011 08:19 PM
414
Lauren at Keep It Sweet said...

Sending hugs your way! I am so sorry that you are going through that right now. I hope that you are able to heal quickly and get back to your happy baking self soon! Don’t feel like you let your donor down! You lived a wonderful 18 years!!! with that kidney which is incredible. I think that the donor would have been so proud to know that they helped someone who built a business that makes people smile on a daily basis.

March 9, 2011 08:19 PM
415
Suzi said...

Best wishes to you! Hope mom is a match and if she isn’t hope you get a kidney soon. Love your cake pops and you have been missed….yes, we have noticed.

March 9, 2011 08:19 PM
416
margaux said...

am praying and thinking of you! i hope all goes well in this process… get well soon.

March 9, 2011 08:20 PM
417
Beth said...

Prayers headed your way!

March 9, 2011 08:20 PM
418
Nonna Beach said...

Oh, I am so distressed with all you are going through…bless your heart ( and kidney until you get new one…) I’ll be out here, praying for a complete recovery and missin’ you !!!

March 9, 2011 08:20 PM
419
Nicole said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you! Thank you for all the smiles you have brought to me and my family! I am wishing and praying for a quick recovery!

March 9, 2011 08:21 PM
420
Shannon said...

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

March 9, 2011 08:22 PM
421
Kiley said...

So sorry to hear. I hope everything goes well. Best wishes

March 9, 2011 08:22 PM
422
Erin O said...

I hope things work out for you! Sending you prayers!

March 9, 2011 08:22 PM
423
Samantha said...

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I love your website, it always makes me happy! I hope that all of the comments and well wishes do the same for you. :) Thank you for sharing with us what is going on in your life. You have our support! There really are people out here in Blog Land that care!

March 9, 2011 08:24 PM
424
Yvonne said...

Ohmygoodness, I’m so sorry to hear the news! I hope you get better soon, your mom’s kidney is a match, and you are able to fully recover quickly. My prayers are definitely with you at such a crummy time! Get well soon :)

March 9, 2011 08:24 PM
425
Melissa M said...

thinking of you..sending you prayers and positive stuff!!!

March 9, 2011 08:24 PM
426
Bettejo said...

Dear bakerella! I’m so sorry to hear about your kidney problems. I will remember you in my prayers. I just adore you and the cuteness you posess.

Stay strong. I’ve made some Pablo pops, because of you, they were adorable! A huge hit with my grandson Zachary’s preschool. Thinking of you and wishing you a complete and quick recovery.

Love a Bakerella wanna bee
Bettejo

March 9, 2011 08:25 PM
427
Amanda said...

Best wishes to you and your family, get better soon!

March 9, 2011 08:25 PM
428
julie oh said...

I will be praying that God will heal you and that you will draw close to the Creator of the universe during this time. He is our hope and our healer.

March 9, 2011 08:25 PM
429
Ashley said...

Oh Angie, HUGE hugs coming your way! You are an amazing, strong woman and I am praying for a speedy recovery for you and that your mom will be a perfect match! Keep us updated if possible please. You have a ton of people sending you prayers and positive thoughts!

March 9, 2011 08:26 PM
430
Denise Schmitt said...

I would be happy to give you one of mine if it meant seeing you get better sooner. is there a way to check compatibility?
it would be an honor.

March 9, 2011 08:27 PM
431
Cagz said...

Thank You Yeshua for bringing our sweet Bakerella a new kidney but above all Peace and rest!

March 9, 2011 08:27 PM
432
TANYA HERNANDEZ said...

Sending positive vibes and well wishes for a speedy recovery! Stay strong! ^_^

March 9, 2011 08:28 PM
433
Amy F said...

LOTS of (((hugs))) and PRAYERS for you! God is good and He will take care of you in his time! Take you time and recover, we’ll all still be here when you’re ready :)

March 9, 2011 08:28 PM
434
Melissa said...

God bless you, I pray for your speedy recovery.

March 9, 2011 08:28 PM
435
Karol said...

We miss you and send our thoughts and prayers your way. I love your blog and wish you all the best.

March 9, 2011 08:29 PM
436
Izumi said...

I’m praying that a donor pops up quickly and you get a new super healthy kidney to keep YOU healthy. We miss you, but don’t worry about us… you need to take care of yourself first. =) Blessings..

March 9, 2011 08:29 PM
437
Jen Benthin said...

I am praying that you will be able to find a kidney match quickly and that the surgery will go smoothly. You are such an inspiration in light that even through challenges you have been giving your best. Hugs to you!

March 9, 2011 08:29 PM
438
Laria said...

So sorry to hear that dear! Get well soon!!! Praying for you:)

March 9, 2011 08:30 PM
439
Sharon said...

Bakerella -I am hoping that your days will once again be bright with great news and good health. You have brought SO much happiness to others with your wit, warmth and creativity – thank you .

Best wishes and lots of prayers to you =)

March 9, 2011 08:30 PM
440
christy :) said...

sending <3 your way!!

March 9, 2011 08:31 PM
441
Courtney Sears said...

Wow, this was posted two hours ago and already over 400 comments! You have given so much through your blog and now, hopefully, much of that generosity will come back to you! You are in my thoughts.

March 9, 2011 08:31 PM
442
Wendy N said...

Best wishes and prayers for a new kidney.

March 9, 2011 08:32 PM
443
rach from aust said...

So good to hear you are feeling a little bit better, hope it continues! sending you best wishes and good thoughts, if its any comfort im sure you are causing people to think harder about organ donation, or at least begin talking about it with the people they read this blog with – it has certinley made me think more about it. cant wait to see what you create next
all the best! xx

March 9, 2011 08:32 PM
444
Melinda Buchanan said...

Oh my – I’m sorry to hear you are going through this. You have no reason to feel guilty in any way to your deceased donor – you have done so much with your life and brought joy to so many in doing so…..I’m sure, somewhere up there, they feel very proud to have given you the gift of 18 healthy years! And, now on to the next part of your journey! I wish you the best and will send many prayers for the right donor match, wonderful, wise doctors, a successful surgery (for all), and many more years of health and happiness for you! xoxo

March 9, 2011 08:32 PM
445
Jackie said...

Bakerella,
My family and I are HUGE fans of yours. We are so saddened by your news, but we are wishing you a matching donor and a speedy recovery! Get well soon and thanks for sharing!

March 9, 2011 08:33 PM
446
Robin said...

Thoughts and prayers and big hugs go out to you and your family! Strong will and prayers go a long way!!! You will find a match and continue to make the cutest and most loveable cake pops for many years to come!

Stay positive, pray, and love your family everyday! And if they need to wheel in a portable oven then the hospital will just have to understand! ;)
Much love!!!

March 9, 2011 08:34 PM
447
Heather said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you!

March 9, 2011 08:35 PM
448
Kat said...

I’m new to the cake pop fun but love your website. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers for a new donor and speedy recovery!

March 9, 2011 08:36 PM
449
Sandy Ringel said...

Oh my goodness! I wish you a healthy recovery during this time! Don’t worry about us, we are all still cake popping away!!! Take your time to relax and recover and work from bed =)!

March 9, 2011 08:37 PM
450
shilin said...

hang in there dear..
will pray for u. ((:

March 9, 2011 08:38 PM
451
Anita said...

I’ve missed you… your cuteness… your positive spirit. I’ve said a prayer for you today! Please take care of you… and get well soon!!

March 9, 2011 08:38 PM
452
Momfish said...

You are a bright spot on my life. You are a beautiful person. Optimism is wonderful, but sometimes so is honesty. You’re going to be just fine, but I’m going to send a little prayer your way just the same. Hang in there!

March 9, 2011 08:39 PM
453
Andrea F said...

You have been missed. Thank you for sharing this with all of us. You are in my prayers.

March 9, 2011 08:39 PM
454
sherri jones said...

Praying for you and a speedy recovery!

March 9, 2011 08:40 PM
455
Rebecca (Indecisive Baker) said...

Wishing the absolute best for you! Wishing you a healthy kidney and a fast recovery. Take care of you!

March 9, 2011 08:41 PM
456
jacque benson said...

So sorry to hear you have been so ill.
You are in our hearts and prayers.

March 9, 2011 08:41 PM
457
Michelle said...

I’m in the process of fasting (The Daniel Fast) for Lent, which causes me to stay prayerful much of the day. I will be adding you to my prayers, Bakerella! God is good and He will take care of you! xoxo

March 9, 2011 08:41 PM
458
Sabrina Kellett said...

My aunt actually went through three kidneys. I pray for your family during this time. If your mom is not a sutible donor how would we go about finding out if we would be a possible donor you ?

March 9, 2011 08:42 PM
459
Misty said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Your website brings me much joy!

March 9, 2011 08:42 PM
460
Erin said...

Praying for you! Thanks for letting us know! I hope you find a donor soon! HUGS!

March 9, 2011 08:43 PM
461
MiraUncut said...

Many many hugs, prayers and lots of love!!! Stay positive. You rock girl!

March 9, 2011 08:43 PM
462
claris said...

bakerella, thanks for updating us (ur avivd readers). I believe that Jesus the great healer will make you well again. Take care and stay positive. love ya

March 9, 2011 08:43 PM
463
Melissa said...

My prayers are with you and your family. <3

March 9, 2011 08:44 PM
464
Shannon said...

Praying for you and sending you endless love! You’re strong. You will get through all of this and be even stronger when you get through it.

March 9, 2011 08:44 PM
465
Sara Moe said...

Prayers for you!

March 9, 2011 08:45 PM
466
Jen said...

You are missed very much but we want you to get well. We’ll be praying you recover very quickly & are able to get a new healthy kidney that will last twice as long at least. Love.

March 9, 2011 08:45 PM
467
Eliz K said...

another well-wisher from the blogging world! :-)

March 9, 2011 08:45 PM
468
natalie said...

Psalm 91

March 9, 2011 08:46 PM
469
Rocio said...

I have never commented before, but I´ve been reading your blog for a while. Please know that you’re in my prayers! The Lord will be with you holding your hand in every moment of your recovery, stay strong and faithfull. I send you a big hug!

March 9, 2011 08:46 PM
470
Cassandra said...

You are such an amazing woman. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Sending hugs and kisses through the monitor!

March 9, 2011 08:47 PM
471
Barbara Hickey said...

I had no idea why you were not posting on your site. I guess I just thought you were on a book tour and not creating in your kitchen. I am so sorry to hear you are in the hospital You will certainly be in my prayers and just know how much God loves you and He is bigger than any of our ills
Love in Christ,
Barb

March 9, 2011 08:47 PM
472
Dawn Wilson said...

I will be praying for you!

March 9, 2011 08:48 PM
473
Doris H said...

I’ve been missing you very much. Thank you for letting your “friends” know what’s happening. You and your family and your medical team are all in my prayers. One positive side note – sharing your story with your readers will perhaps encourage many more people to learn about giving the gift of life through organ donation. God bless.

March 9, 2011 08:48 PM
474
Alicia said...

Will be praying for a perfect match and donor and a quick recovery!

March 9, 2011 08:49 PM
475
Katie W said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family! Although I have never commented, I am a huge fan of your blog. Stay strong!
Hugs,
Katie

March 9, 2011 08:50 PM
476
Priscilla Lalonde said...

my best wishes, thoughts and prayers are sent to you.

March 9, 2011 08:50 PM
477
Daniella said...

this is probably one of the thousand comments you´ll get and won´t even probably read but I wanted to say good luck and wanted you to know that you´ll be in my thoughts.

March 9, 2011 08:51 PM
478
Carrie Funk said...

Now is the time to take care of YOU! The website will keep. Everyone will be thinking of you and sending ministering spirits your way. Keep the faith it will get better.

Hugs,
Carrie

March 9, 2011 08:52 PM
479
Lorie said...

Wishing you a speedy recovery and all the best! Health comes first.

March 9, 2011 08:52 PM
480
Denise said...

Oh honey! I’m so sorry the warranty has run out on your kidney. But like your doctor said, it’s had a very good life. Don’t worry about us, we’ll still be here. I am going to lift you up in prayers and send this to my friends for the same.

March 9, 2011 08:53 PM
481
Janelle King said...

Wishing you all the best to a speedy recovery. You are such an inspiration to us. I have never met you but I know you are such a genuine person.

March 9, 2011 08:53 PM
482
Charlene said...

I’ve missed you–sorry to hear you’ve been so sick. Hugs to you!

March 9, 2011 08:55 PM
483
MissSarahLa said...

I have been lurking on this site for months and I just love everything that you do. I’ve never posted any comments and I’m sure you are far too busy to read them all, but I just wanted to say I hope you feel better soon and you will definitely be in my prayers. You are so talented and creative and I hope you have a fast and easy (as easy as possible) recovery so you can get back to doing what makes you happy.
<3 love and hugs <3

March 9, 2011 08:55 PM
484
karen said...

Happy thoughts and hugs from Arkansas!

March 9, 2011 08:55 PM
485
Marcella said...

Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Wishing you a quick recovery!!
Keep thinking Positive!!

March 9, 2011 08:56 PM
486
Diane said...

Just look at all of the love and support coming your way. We’ll all be right here waiting for you until you are all better and back to normal. Think only positive thoughts and get lots of R & R. All the best to you and your family. Prayers to all.

March 9, 2011 08:56 PM
487
olga said...

I’m sending lots of hugs your way, wishing you the best and hoping God provides a donor for you very soon. . .
you’ll be in my prayers :)

March 9, 2011 08:56 PM
488
Kim said...

Oh my heart goes out to you! I’ll keep you in my prayers!

March 9, 2011 08:57 PM
489
Marm said...

Hugs and prayers back to you and your mom.

March 9, 2011 08:59 PM
490
Heather Siani said...

I’m so sorry to hear this. I will be praying for you.

March 9, 2011 08:59 PM
491
Brie said...

Keep staying positive and we will send prayers for a quick solution!

March 9, 2011 09:00 PM
492
Karissa said...

Get better!!! Stay strong and we’re praying for a speedy recovery.

March 9, 2011 09:00 PM
493
Rebecca said...

I have been reading for a long time but never posted. I make cakepops all the time and it has become a little obsession of mine! I am grateful to you for your website, it has brought so much joy to me and I have so much fun making cakepops!
I have to say that I was a little worried when I didn’t see any updates from you and now I know, rightly so. I would just like to share that I am praying that Jesus will send you a donor and heal your body fully..”for by His stripes we are Healed”..I have been through cancer and beleive that If you claim Jeremiah 33:3 that says ” Call unto me and I will answer thee and show thee great and mighty things which thou knowest not.” God will hear you! If you don’t have Jesus in your life I pray that you will consider Him..He loves you so much! I will keep praying for you and beleiving for your healing! You are a very special and unique person who brings joy to soooo many!

March 9, 2011 09:02 PM
494
Lynette (thoughtsthatgothroughmybrain) said...

I so hate to hear this..I have been wondering if you were okay. I feel like you are a close friend. I will pray for you …please keep us informed how you are doing. OR get someone else to “help” us know what’s going on.
We love ya!! Hang in there and get better!

March 9, 2011 09:02 PM
495
Gail Brand said...

May God give you strength to fight and when you can not stand may He hold you up. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Father heal her the only way You can.

March 9, 2011 09:02 PM
496
Sarah B. said...

Oh, wow. I’m so sorry to hear about all this!!! You will definitely be in my thoughts, and I hope that you’re able to get back to normal ASAP… whatever ‘normal’ happens to be. (((HUGS))) WE MISS YOU!

March 9, 2011 09:02 PM
497
Kelly said...

I was so saddened to read your story, but am 100% positive that you will get through this and be better than ever. No matter what, stay positive and remember how many loyal followers you have that are sending you good thoughts. Take your time to recover, we will all be here waiting for you when you are back up and running. Get well soon!

March 9, 2011 09:03 PM
498
Nonna-Noemi said...

Praying for you and your family.

March 9, 2011 09:03 PM
499
Jane Orfgen said...

Thoughts and prayers.

March 9, 2011 09:03 PM
500
Lauren C. said...

i’m praying for you?

March 9, 2011 09:04 PM
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