Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Twelve Days

Hi guys. I guess you’ve probably noticed my absence from the website recently. Well, I’ve finally felt good enough to post something. So here goes. I’ve been in the hospital for the last twelve days and I’m still not sure when I will get out. Hopefully soon. Hopefully. I’m definitely ready.

Unfortunately, I was pretty sick when I arrived. I started out with an infection that made its way into my transplanted kidney and then into my bloodstream. Not good. Not fun.

But what makes matters much more difficult is that for more than a year now, my transplanted kidney has not been doing it’s best. I chose not to tell anyone because I wanted to focus on being positive, but I’ve slowly had to come to terms that my kidney, the wonderful gift of life given to me more than eighteen years ago will not be with me forever. Actually, something I never really expected to happen. But I was so young when I received it and it has done so superbly over the years, I never had a reason to question its lifespan. I’ve learned recently however, that 18 years is fantastic for a transplanted kidney and even better since mine was from a deceased donor. I can’t tell you how hard it is to accept that I will have to let this kidney go. Feelings of letting my deceased donor down fill my heart with sadness.

But it is happening. And faster than I anticipated. Before getting sick two weeks ago, I had begun the process to be re-evaluated for another kidney transplant and to be added to the transplant waiting list. In the meantime, my mom is being tested to be a possible donor. I had thought I would have time to do all of this and hopefully have surgery and not skip a beat with my job or with this website that I enjoy sharing with you so much.

No such luck. Since I’ve been here, I’ve started dialysis to take some stress off my distressed kidney while it tries to heal. The hope is that I would be on dialysis for a short while, giving my transplanted kidney time to recuperate. Then, go off dialysis and try to squeak a few more months out before surgery is needed.

The alternative, though which is just as possible is that 1) I’ll be on dialysis until my mom is confirmed as a donor or 2) My mom is not a potential donor and then I would stay on dialysis while I wait on the list for a kidney to become available.

So that’s what’s been going on. That’s the reason for the lack of cake pops and cupcakes and cute. I just wanted to let you know something and thank everyone for their wonderful and inspiring get well wishes. You guys are a huge bright spot in my life. You have no idea how much.

Hugs,
Bakerella

501
Angela said...

My heart sunk to hear/read your pain. I have no words of comfort. I wish I did. Sadly, my regular vehicle of helping friends grieve/recover is baked goods.

I pray you have a successful match soon, a swift recovery, and much love to surround you.

You are a gift. Peace and health be with you.

March 9, 2011 09:04 PM
502
Sarah said...

I am so sorry to hear of your health struggles. My thoughts and prayers are with you. You are such an amazing person and your story is truly inspiring. I wish you a fast and speedy recovery. Good luck!

March 9, 2011 09:06 PM
503
Dorothy said...

I am so sorry you have to go through this. I’m sending you best wishes for a speedy recovery (and that your mom is a donor!) Good luck!

March 9, 2011 09:06 PM
504
june p said...

get well soon, bakerella!

March 9, 2011 09:06 PM
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Cathy said...

Thinking of you and hoping you feel better real soon!

March 9, 2011 09:06 PM
506
Natalie said...

absolutely take care of yourself, don’t worry about us! we’re praying for you!

March 9, 2011 09:06 PM
507
jengd said...

Oh jeez! Sounds like maybe you’ve had a few things a bit more important than cake pops on your mind! NOT that they’re not important and an awesomely fun/happy thing in your life but you’ve been a little busy! All I can say is sorry things have been a bit cruddy and hope it all sorts itself out happily in the very near future! Feel betta!

March 9, 2011 09:06 PM
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Dani said...

I do hope all goes well and that you will soon be home and on the mend!

I’ve been reading your blog for about a year now and FINALLY made your cake balls for my family a month ago. My dad took some to work and two of his coworkers have now made them! I do enjoy your blog and how positive you are. It’s always fun clicking over here and seeing the pink and white and yummy goodness enclosed in each blog post.

March 9, 2011 09:06 PM
509
Panya said...

My thoughts are definitely with you. My gramma passed away due to complications from kidney failure two years ago this month. It’s a difficult thing to go through. (((((HUGS)))))

March 9, 2011 09:08 PM
510
Eates-A-Lot said...

I’m a long time lurker and I just want to say that I wish you the best. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Best Wishes, Best of luck.

March 9, 2011 09:08 PM
511
karla said...

You have no idea in how many was you’been touching my life, I wish you get better, and the strongest possitive thoughts for you and your family, I and so many others will be praying for your health

March 9, 2011 09:08 PM
512
Tina said...

tons of good vibes and best wishes for you and your mom from Spain, i´m sure everything is going to be PERFECT! you´ll see…

March 9, 2011 09:08 PM
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Anonymous said...

Keep your head up :) things will go great and God will be in your favor!! :) he does wonderful things for us :) you will bs in my prayers :)

March 9, 2011 09:09 PM
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Sarah said...

Concentrate on resting up!!
Feel better soon!!! I’ll send lots of thoughts your way.

March 9, 2011 09:11 PM
515
Denise said...

Oh, I am so very sorry. We have kidney issues in my family too, including a transplant. Medicine has come a long way in 18 years, and I hope whichever path helps you heal the fastest is the one that shows itself first.

You are in my thoughts with admiration and appreciation for all you’ve done for us.

Love only.

March 9, 2011 09:12 PM
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Sasha Cole said...

I read your blog all the time but have never commented. I really hope that dialysis works for you and that you find a donor quickly! Best of wishes! Good luck with the surgeries!

March 9, 2011 09:12 PM
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Carrie said...

I am sending up some prayers. Thank you for posting… Just when I thought I was having a rough week! You shed perspective and you seem so strong! God bless you.

March 9, 2011 09:12 PM
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Myra said...

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

March 9, 2011 09:12 PM
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Ashley said...

Best wishes for a quick recovery. You are an inspiration– both through your work and you positive attitude.

March 9, 2011 09:13 PM
520
Michelle Philippi said...

I’ve been checking in every day for new cakey pretty cutie goodness and figured you were on your across the world book tour. Thank you for the update…so nice to hear from you. Although I wish you would have said you were on a big book tour…and not in the hospital…waiting for a kidney… Gosh…I’m so sorry….and I hope your mother is a match and that you and she go through surgery well and recuperate well and live long happy lives together. And if it’s not meant to be and you’re on the list, I hope that you don’t have to wait too long for that. Not sure if you’re a religious person…took the book to know your name is Angie – LOL; but I am a big believer in God doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle…so you’ll do just fine…I just know it. Kidney cake pops at the celebration!

March 9, 2011 09:13 PM
521
Brenda Liz said...

Dear Angie:
I do work in or I should say I use to work in a Transplant Program I’m still working with them in the hospital that I work at and I just want to tell you DO NOT LOSSES HOPE…. as I read you doing the right thing, re-start de Dialysis and back to the waiting list. Some times it may be hard waiting, waiting and waiting for the phone call from your Kidney Coordinator but as long you have all your test to the day… and taking care of your self every day. That would help a lot when the time come and you receive the phone call CAN YOU COME TO THE HOSPITAL we have your donor ……or even better if a family member could be your perfect mach.. But God knows why things happen…. Be strong and have faith in God that He will help you and your family during this time. Maybe this could be an awakening to all out there that are not yet a Donor and by your amazing story of hard work and sharing your skills they will be motivated to become a Donor and help other as you have helped all of us in the art of cake pops. May God Bless you and be with your family members. My prayer are with you… Trust in God…

March 9, 2011 09:14 PM
522
Jen said...

You know, I was getting worried when no new posts appeared. I just want to thank you for such a wonderful blog and for being such an inspiration to so many of us! Sending you huge hugs (with sprinkles) from Canada. We love you here, too. Keep your strength and spirit up!

March 9, 2011 09:14 PM
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Anonymous said...

I am so sorry this is happening to you!

March 9, 2011 09:15 PM
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teki said...

Thinking of you and hoping for the best. Prayers and fingers crossed for a match with your Mom, with speedy recovery for you both.

March 9, 2011 09:15 PM
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Mrs Q said...

Wishing you a speedy recovery!

March 9, 2011 09:16 PM
526
Vivian said...

hey bakerella!
i don’t know if you’ll read this comment or not
because you have over 500 comments ahead of mine..
but if you do read this, i’d like to tell you that you are a blogger idol of mine and that i wish you the best of luck!
i do not know if you’re Christian or not, but I will pray for you and i really hope you do believe that you will get better soon!
continue to THINK POSITIVE.
if you BELIEVE that you’ll recover, then it WILL HAPPEN!
we will all be waiting for your return! (:

March 9, 2011 09:16 PM
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t1ng said...

Hang in there and best wishes! You and your awesome site (and book) have all inspired me on making lovely cake pops and other baked goods. I cannot wait to hear some good news from you! Get well soon!!!

March 9, 2011 09:17 PM
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Lorraine said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you!

March 9, 2011 09:17 PM
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Lauren said...

Thoughts, prayers, and overall good vibes going your way! Rest up and get better soon!!

March 9, 2011 09:17 PM
530
Sarah O'Brien said...

Try to just focus on getting better soon, we miss you and your wonderful baking ideas but want you to feel better even more! Stay positive!! :)

March 9, 2011 09:18 PM
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shirley rossetti said...

OH MY ……I was wondering and praying for you……

I’ve been an RN for 23 years and worked in dialysis for 10 years. I can, to a point, understand how hard this is for you and your family!! I just have to say that they have made LEAPS and BOUNDS in the world of transplant since your last one and one of the huge areas is living donors and non-related living donors!! The research has showen that the number of matiching elements is not nearly as important as how QUICKLY they can place the donoated kidney into the recipent thereby decreasing the time the kidney spends “on ice”.

Much love!! Many prayers!!

March 9, 2011 09:19 PM
532
Grey said...

Big hug and kisses. Prayers for you. I love this site, it helps me to prepare the best meal on my every occasion. Wish you a matching donor and fast recovery. :**

March 9, 2011 09:20 PM
533
Lauren said...

I hope you are able to get a transplant soon – and that you will be feeling better quickly! It is no fun being stuck in the hospital. I am so glad you shared – maybe this will inspire more people to be organ donors – it is so important. Good luck with everything, we’ll be here when you are ready!

March 9, 2011 09:21 PM
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Stephanie said...

Lots of thoughts and prayers going out to you. I’m a loyal reader so I’ll be here waiting for you while you go through this.

March 9, 2011 09:21 PM
535
Andrea said...

You are a testament to your kidney’s previous owner’s decision to donate. You have clearly taken care of your kidney for it to have thrived so well for the length of time that it has. I would imagine that right now is probably a stressful and/or scary time with all the uncertainty — at least, that’s how I would feel. But look at all these positive comments and thoughts and prayers headed your way! I hope for the best possible outcome for you — and a fast one too!

March 9, 2011 09:21 PM
536
Amanda @ TMI said...

Sweetie, you are not letting anyone down, especially not your first kidney donor. Think of everything you’ve done in the past 18 years…it’s been a great use of time! Now, think of what you want to do in the next 18 years, and in the next 18 years after that. You still have a lot of living to do, and I’m confident a new kidney is coming your way soon. Hang in there, stay positive and don’t worry (your fans are doing it all for you!). Cake pops forever!

March 9, 2011 09:22 PM
537
Janel said...

I was pretty well convinced there was no malady of mine that your oreo truffles couldn’t help, but I’m not totally sure about kidney failure… At any rate, our thoughts and prayers will be with you.

March 9, 2011 09:22 PM
538
Sandra Tran said...

Awwww . . . wishing you all the best, Bakerella :o)

March 9, 2011 09:22 PM
539
Mama Bear said...

Praying with you for a new kidney to come your way soon!

March 9, 2011 09:23 PM
540
j-bug said...

GET WELL SOON! (so that I can enjoy your amazing blog.)

March 9, 2011 09:24 PM
541
Pilar said...

Get better soon! I’m very sorry for you and I wish you a speedy and happy recovery.

March 9, 2011 09:25 PM
542
Brandee Smith said...

Thoughts and prayers are sent your way. Hang in there and take care of yourself!

March 9, 2011 09:25 PM
543
Cheryl said...

I enjoy your site so much, you’re very creative, gifted, and inspiring. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult and frustrating time. I pray that your mom is a donor match, and that you are on your way to recovery and healing very soon. We’ll all be here eagerly waiting for your return to regular blogging! Take care, God bless.

March 9, 2011 09:26 PM
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bluepaintred said...

my sister contracted henoch schonlein purpura when she was a toddler and it attacked her kidneys. She was on dialysis, peritoneal, for a while until my dad gave her a kidney when I was 5. or maybe six. That kidney lasted a few years, but was later rejected. she went through more peritoneal dialysis, then had a donor kidney transplant from a cadaver.

that one lasted a very short time before rejection and she was back on dialysis, hemodialysis this time. I found out I was pregnant while undergoing testing to see if i was a match for her (I was!) but there were complications and i wasn’t able to give her my kidney.

My sister had a final transplant, another cadaver donated kidney, and it lasted almost eight years, until this past May, when she passed away. She was 34.

Kidney disease is a nasty horrible thing, and dialysis takes so so much out of a person. I will cross every part of me, in hopes that a million matches have all signed their donor card, and you can get a matched transplant ASAP!

March 9, 2011 09:26 PM
545
Kara said...

Hugs to you!!! You are an inspiration to us all. You are in my prayers.

March 9, 2011 09:26 PM
546
Vilmarie said...

oh my gosh Bakerella, my heart goes out to you!! Me and my daughters have enjoyed your website and your cuteness for over a year now. I sincerely wish you a soon recovery, that your kidney is able to hold out a while longer so you don’t need dialysis while you wait for a donor. We will be praying for your health!!

March 9, 2011 09:26 PM
547
Gina said...

Wishing you all the best. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Hope you get some good news and are feeling better soon!

March 9, 2011 09:26 PM
548
Robin said...

I hope all goes well and you get your new kidney soon. More prayers for you here in Florida! And just so you know, I love your website! :0)

March 9, 2011 09:27 PM
549
Nancy said...

Take care Bakerella! I’m sending you positive healing vibes.
I’ve missed your posts! Stay strong!!

March 9, 2011 09:27 PM
550
SgtsWife said...

Praying for healing and a donor!!

March 9, 2011 09:27 PM
551
Lauri said...

Hugs and prayers for a speedy recovery!

March 9, 2011 09:27 PM
552
Kathy said...

I was wondering about your absence, then someone commented on your last post saying you were in the hospital! I was pretty surprised! But I hope you get well soon, get out of the hospital, and back into your kitchen or signing books with lots of cake pops!! *Sends millions of ‘Get Better’ hugs your way!*

March 9, 2011 09:28 PM
553
Ashley said...

Wow. I really hope you find a match soon! I’ll keep my fingers crossed!

March 9, 2011 09:28 PM
554
Carina said...

This is so nuts – I just discovered you a week ago thanks to Serious Cakes – your book just came in the mail today and I happened to click on your website tonight after a long day at work and read your sweet, but sad message. I’m so sorry to hear you’re so sick. I find myself an instant fan as so many, I’m sure have! Our best wishes to a healthy match and speedy recovery for everyone.

I’m making my first cake pops tomorrow! It’s a test run for a St. Patrick’s day party which is a test run for my daughter’s Tinkerbell birthday party at the end of the month. Oh, the things I get myself into. Having a child has changed me so much. I remember seeing your book in the bookstore when it first came out and I thought “I’m not that kind of mom,” but then I saw a video for a fairy house cake that Serious Cakes did and she talked and talked about “Bakerella” this and “Bakerella” that and how much she adores you. Well, so then I watched her video on making your cake pops and, by gosh, I thought, I CAN do this! But I’m a sociology professor, not a baker! lol! But I swear I can do this! I will let you know how it turns out. Thank you so much for all your creativity. The world is a much more fun place because of YOU!

March 9, 2011 09:28 PM
555
shbee said...

I was wondering where the st pattys day posts were!

absolute best wishes and hopes and prayers for your kidney donation.

xoxo

March 9, 2011 09:29 PM
556
Sarah Pearse said...

Sending you healing thoughts – you are so positive and strong- you can make it through anything. Praying your mom is a donor and that you are able to be with friends and family throughout your time in the hospital.

xoxoxo

March 9, 2011 09:29 PM
557
Kelly said...

Thanks so much for letting us know what is going on. Will pray for you now. Big hugs coming to you – and I certainly hope someone can bring some cake pops to you during your stay!

March 9, 2011 09:30 PM
558
Jess said...

Sending well wishes your way and will be right here waiting for you when you are well enough to return!! Get well soon!

March 9, 2011 09:31 PM
559
Anonymous said...

hope you get well soon! just keep on being positive! we’re all praying for you!

March 9, 2011 09:31 PM
560
Ana said...

You’re amazing bakerella. I’m sorry to hear about your news. I wish you all the best!

March 9, 2011 09:32 PM
561
Jessica said...

I am such a fan of your work; you have truly done such an amazing job with Bakerella.com. I wish you the best of luck and a speedy recovery.

March 9, 2011 09:32 PM
562
Faba said...

hope you feel better

March 9, 2011 09:32 PM
563
Erin said...

oh dear–I am not a normal commenter, but I absolutely adore your website and your spunk. Use some of that–and the parayers coming to you–to get better!!!

March 9, 2011 09:33 PM
564
Kat Clark said...

You are SO in my prayers. Much, much love.

March 9, 2011 09:33 PM
565
Kristi said...

No – hugs to you!! I certainly hope that things go well for you in the upcoming days and months – you certainly have a huge following that will be thinking of you!

March 9, 2011 09:34 PM
566
CZ said...

So many positive thoughts and prayers coming your way!!!!

March 9, 2011 09:36 PM
567
Sweet Bella Roos said...

Definitely sending you lots of thoughts and prayers!

March 9, 2011 09:37 PM
568
melanie said...

You were already in my prayers…my boyfriend has had to deal with my frantic emotions everyday that I logged on to find that you still hadn’t update…keep your head up…we all love you!!!

March 9, 2011 09:38 PM
569
Lori said...

Get well soon! We will be waiting here when you feel like posting again! Many prayers are headed your way.

March 9, 2011 09:39 PM
570
Linda J-H said...

Love, hugs and kisses to you. You’re in my prayers.

March 9, 2011 09:39 PM
571
Jenny @ Bakography said...

You are definitely in my thoughts and prayers. I’m so sorry you are having to go through this but your peppy personality and positive outlook will get you through this! And don’t worry, there are plenty of us to keep the cupcakes, cake pops, and cuteness going while you’re away. But we will certainly miss your confections!

March 9, 2011 09:40 PM
572
Chung Nguyen said...

I truly hope things work out for you. We’ll still be here when you recover. <3

March 9, 2011 09:40 PM
573
Tamara said...

Oh no!! I’m so sorry to read this post. I was just telling my husband that you’ve been gone for so long…too long to have anything to do with an insane travel/appearance schedule. Praying you will find a matching donor soon and the transplant is a success. Hugs to you!!!

March 9, 2011 09:41 PM
574
April said...

My prayers go out to you and your family. I hope that it all goes well and quickly. Thank you for all that you do. You are even more of an inspiration to me. =)

March 9, 2011 09:42 PM
575
Ashley said...

Thank you soo much for letting us know about your kidney situation. I am praying for you and your family.

March 9, 2011 09:43 PM
576
Marie said...

Prayers coming from Chicago!

March 9, 2011 09:44 PM
577
Cindy Rutledge said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers!

March 9, 2011 09:45 PM
578
Lydia said...

Oh no!! I’m so sad to hear that. You’re in my thoughts and prayers!

March 9, 2011 09:46 PM
579
Jessalee said...

Thoughts and prayers for the best possible outcome! Thank you for sharing with us!!

March 9, 2011 09:46 PM
580
Sandy said...

Thank you for sharing this with all of us ‘blogees.’ I wish you the best & am sending prayers your way.

March 9, 2011 09:46 PM
581
darlingbeatrice said...

I hope everything works out very soon! Take care!

March 9, 2011 09:46 PM
582
Erin said...

*hugs* Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers!

March 9, 2011 09:46 PM
583
LoriW said...

You are in my prayers. I hope everyone takes note of how important organ donations are!

March 9, 2011 09:46 PM
584
Kim said...

Every day I’ve checked to see if you were back, until eventually I was sure your absence must be due to health issues. We’ve missed you, but hope you gain inspiration and courage from your many fans during this difficult time!

March 9, 2011 09:47 PM
585
Sara said...

Praying for you!

March 9, 2011 09:47 PM
586
Jackie said...

Heartfelt wishes that you find a match soon!! Thinking of you lots!

March 9, 2011 09:48 PM
587
Diane said...

Thinking of you during this difficult time. Here’s to a speedy recovery, but know that your fans will be here no matter how long it takes. Miss you and your sweet treats!

March 9, 2011 09:48 PM
588
Suzi said...

I’m sending warm thoughts your way, and my best wishes. Your blog has been a bright spot in my google reader, with all of your amazingly creative and cute ideas. You are an inspiration. You’re in my thoughts.

March 9, 2011 09:48 PM
589
Valerie said...

I’m sending prayers your way.

March 9, 2011 09:49 PM
590
Olivia said...

I wish you all the best and send you my love. You are such a strong and tough person and you inspire me. :)

March 9, 2011 09:49 PM
591
Elizabeth said...

So sorry this is happening to you. Glad and honor you shared this with us. You will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers! God Bless

March 9, 2011 09:50 PM
592
stacey said...

I’m so sorry to read this Bakerella. I’ll be praying for you and your family. I pray your mom is a good match for you dear. stay strong and hopeful!

March 9, 2011 09:50 PM
593
juliana said...

so i actually came onto your site today to tell you about how incredible i think it is that just this afternoon i walked into a starbucks and saw they are offering cakepops. then i went into michaels and saw they now sell cake pop holders!

i am so very sorry you are going through a difficult time.
you. are. amazing.

i have been following your blog since you started and can not wait until you are back to posting your yummy inspiration every sunday night!

my prayers and thoughts and best hopes are with you.

March 9, 2011 09:51 PM
594
Anonymous said...

I noticed you had not updated in a few weeks, I just thought you were on a book tour again. I never imagined this. I am sorry! I will be praying for you. I love reading your blog! I hope you will start feeling better soon!

March 9, 2011 09:51 PM
595
Sue said...

Lots of prayers, and hope your wonderful mother can be a donor. I miss your postings, but take lots of time taking care of yourself!

March 9, 2011 09:51 PM
596
Danielle said...

*hugs*

Sending you lots of love.

March 9, 2011 09:53 PM
597
Kim said...

I will be praying that you will recover quickly and we can all share in your wonderful talents.

March 9, 2011 09:53 PM
598
Kim said...

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this. I’ll be thinking of you and sending good vibes that a resolution of good health is near. I can relate to what you’re going through, it really reminds me of my father’s situation.
A lot of people are thinking about you, and supporting you during this time because you have brought such joy to them- you have definitely made my work life easier ;)

xoxox

March 9, 2011 09:53 PM
599
hkfashiongeek said...

I’ve been a silent lurker of your blog for a while and am coming out of the wood works to wish you well. Stay strong and positive and I’m sure things will be much better soon!

March 9, 2011 09:55 PM
600
Mindy said...

I’ll be saying prayers for you. Hugs coming your way!

March 9, 2011 09:57 PM
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