Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Twelve Days

Hi guys. I guess you’ve probably noticed my absence from the website recently. Well, I’ve finally felt good enough to post something. So here goes. I’ve been in the hospital for the last twelve days and I’m still not sure when I will get out. Hopefully soon. Hopefully. I’m definitely ready.

Unfortunately, I was pretty sick when I arrived. I started out with an infection that made its way into my transplanted kidney and then into my bloodstream. Not good. Not fun.

But what makes matters much more difficult is that for more than a year now, my transplanted kidney has not been doing it’s best. I chose not to tell anyone because I wanted to focus on being positive, but I’ve slowly had to come to terms that my kidney, the wonderful gift of life given to me more than eighteen years ago will not be with me forever. Actually, something I never really expected to happen. But I was so young when I received it and it has done so superbly over the years, I never had a reason to question its lifespan. I’ve learned recently however, that 18 years is fantastic for a transplanted kidney and even better since mine was from a deceased donor. I can’t tell you how hard it is to accept that I will have to let this kidney go. Feelings of letting my deceased donor down fill my heart with sadness.

But it is happening. And faster than I anticipated. Before getting sick two weeks ago, I had begun the process to be re-evaluated for another kidney transplant and to be added to the transplant waiting list. In the meantime, my mom is being tested to be a possible donor. I had thought I would have time to do all of this and hopefully have surgery and not skip a beat with my job or with this website that I enjoy sharing with you so much.

No such luck. Since I’ve been here, I’ve started dialysis to take some stress off my distressed kidney while it tries to heal. The hope is that I would be on dialysis for a short while, giving my transplanted kidney time to recuperate. Then, go off dialysis and try to squeak a few more months out before surgery is needed.

The alternative, though which is just as possible is that 1) I’ll be on dialysis until my mom is confirmed as a donor or 2) My mom is not a potential donor and then I would stay on dialysis while I wait on the list for a kidney to become available.

So that’s what’s been going on. That’s the reason for the lack of cake pops and cupcakes and cute. I just wanted to let you know something and thank everyone for their wonderful and inspiring get well wishes. You guys are a huge bright spot in my life. You have no idea how much.

Hugs,
Bakerella

601
Christina said...

Oh dear Bakerella…sending you prayers…certainly hope your Mom will be a matching donor and if not, I do pray someone else will quickly be found. Thank you so much for sharing with us…you’ve been missed! Will pray!

March 9, 2011 09:58 PM
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Charlotte Cheng said...

I’m so sorry you have to go through this. It must be scary to be uncertain of the future but we’re all rooting for your future health and happiness!

March 9, 2011 09:59 PM
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Christi B. said...

I don’t usually comment on the ever so popular blogs (such as yours : ) ) but I feel the need after reading this post. I pray that the Father in Heaven, who knows yesterday, today and tomorrow is holding you and every one involved in your care and health in His hands. He has a purpose for ALL things and though some of us really enjoy your posts, we will make it without them until you are back to health. Seek God and His plan for you and everything else will fall into place. Lifting you in prayer right now!

March 9, 2011 10:00 PM
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Ashley said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending strength and peace your way!

March 9, 2011 10:01 PM
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Dianne Wood said...

Oh Angie, I am SO sorry to hear this. I will be praying for you and for a speedy successful recovery….!!! Be strong, keep faith and know that YOU are LOVED by MANY…!!
Big Hugs to you (((((((((((((((:))))))))))))

March 9, 2011 10:01 PM
606
Sadie said...

You are an inspiration to so many. Hang in there. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

March 9, 2011 10:02 PM
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AmyHug said...

I’m so so very sorry to hear your news. I’ll keep you in my prayers for a very positive and quick journey. God bless.

March 9, 2011 10:03 PM
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Diana said...

My thoughts and prayers are will you! It can be so hard to stay positive in times like this, but you seem to be doing a fantastic job of that. Best wishes that your donor kidney gets itself together soon, and that a donor can be found ASAP. We’re all pulling for you!!

March 9, 2011 10:03 PM
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Stacey said...

We’re thinking of you and hoping for the quickest and best recovery possible! Kidney cakepops to celebrate your health when you’re all better! :)

March 9, 2011 10:03 PM
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Ashley said...

Take care of yourself and get better! We’re all here rooting for you and will still be around waiting anxiously for your newest recipes when you get better!!

March 9, 2011 10:04 PM
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Lauren @ Crave. Indulge. Satisfy. said...

I have been missing your posts and have been checking daily to see when you would be back! So glad to see you back online, but so sad for the news you are sharing with us. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers through this time as I know everything will turn out ok and hopefully your mom will be a donor match. Keep staying positive!

March 9, 2011 10:04 PM
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Leah said...

Bakerella, you are in my thoughts and prayers, I hope you feel better soon and are able to get back to your life and the things that bring you the happiness you deserve.
All the best to you, and kudos on being brave enough to share your feelings with your loyal followers.
L

March 9, 2011 10:06 PM
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jen said...

I have missed you these last twelve days, but please put your amazing creative energy towards getting better right now! Many prayers coming your way!

March 9, 2011 10:06 PM
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EG said...

Prayers for you, your mom, the docs, your family, all that good stuff. Hope it gets figured out soon and that you get some energy back.

March 9, 2011 10:07 PM
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terhare said...

I’ll be thinking of you and praying that you find peace and strength for whatever lies ahead.

March 9, 2011 10:07 PM
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Shannon said...

Just letting you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers for a speedy recovery. Sending virtual get well cake pops your way!

March 9, 2011 10:08 PM
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Anonymous said...

U know we love u and send u well wishes!

March 9, 2011 10:08 PM
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Mary Beth said...

My Dad was on dialysis for eight years before he died of heart failure at 64. It’s hard; I saw how much it stressed his body. Unfortunately he did not qualify for a transplant because he was also a cancer survivor, and couldn’t risk the immunosuppressive drugs. We all understand your first priority has to be your health. Good luck with finding a new kidney! In the meantime, we’ll experiment with some cake pops of our own.

March 9, 2011 10:08 PM
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Andi said...

I have been a long time visitor, but have never commented. I just wanted to tell you I’m praying for your health and emotional well being. Stay positive and best wishes!

March 9, 2011 10:08 PM
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Kelly Love said...

Aw, Bakerella!! Hugs and prayers that you receive a juicy, healthy kidney soon! We love and miss you!!

March 9, 2011 10:08 PM
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kristen said...

I was wondering about you and was getting a little worried! Will pray for a speedy recovery and that all works out!

March 9, 2011 10:08 PM
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Christina said...

What blood type are you??? Just incase any one would like to be tested in your name.

March 9, 2011 10:08 PM
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JenMarie said...

{HUGS} I will be praying for you.

March 9, 2011 10:09 PM
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Melissa said...

thoughts and prayer are being send! thanks for making my Sunday nights so much better with your wonderful posts.

Take care and rest up!

March 9, 2011 10:09 PM
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Fernanda said...

Hopefully it will all be good very very very soon, will pray for your recovery. Please take a moment to take in all the love from your faithful readers and breathe it in. Big hug,
Fernanda

March 9, 2011 10:10 PM
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Anne S. said...

I will keep you in my prayers! Keep up the positiive attitude.

March 9, 2011 10:11 PM
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Cassie K said...

I hope that it is ok that I said a prayer for you. Focus on you and everthing here will be ok

March 9, 2011 10:11 PM
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Cindy said...

I’ve missed you. Good luck and I’ll be thinking of you!

March 9, 2011 10:11 PM
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Niteowl Nancy said...

Thanks for sharing this with us so we can all send lots of prayers and positive thoughts your way. Wishing you a successful and speedy resolution this temporary setback. :)

March 9, 2011 10:11 PM
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Nithya said...

Oh Bakerella, you have all my best wishes. I’ve been checking your blog rather impatiently these past few days, I had no idea what was going on. You are such a trooper, I know you’ll be back and healthy, blogging, dreaming up impossibly cute baked things in no time.

March 9, 2011 10:12 PM
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Samara Link said...

616 comments … and counting … probably feels like a pretty good virtual hug right now. Wow, Bakerella. I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through. It sounds like a tough place to be, coming at you from all sides. How remarkable that you’ve had the year you’ve had with one organ working at half capacity. We’ll all be sending happy kidney energy your way with many wishes that things go well and soon at that!

March 9, 2011 10:13 PM
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jillian said...

get well soon! our prayers are with you.

March 9, 2011 10:14 PM
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Gary said...

After you get your new kidney, maybe you could celebrate by making a kidney cake pop. I am hoping you get a new one soon so you are back making cake pops. Miss you and wish you all the best!

March 9, 2011 10:15 PM
634
Hannah said...

Hopefully you feel better and things turn around! I can’t believe your great spirit, tis amazing.

March 9, 2011 10:15 PM
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Debbie said...

Sending best wishes and prayers!! You bring such joy and delight to us with your creations now we will pray for you and your family!!

March 9, 2011 10:16 PM
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Anonymous said...

I am a long time fan but have not left a post until now. I will keep you in my prayers! Rest and make yourself the priority, everything else will still be here when you fully recover.

March 9, 2011 10:16 PM
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Mary said...

Wow! You are in my prayers. I hope you are able to find a match very soon.
Wishing you all of the best!
get well soon :)

Mary

March 9, 2011 10:16 PM
638
Laura said...

I hope everything goes well for you!! You are a huge inspiration to me and I will be praying for you!!

March 9, 2011 10:16 PM
639
Kim said...

bakerella! get will soon, okay?!

March 9, 2011 10:17 PM
640
Kim said...

**well

March 9, 2011 10:18 PM
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PamelA said...

I am so sorry to hear your news! Wishing you the best, and praying for a new kidney that comes sooner rather than later!

March 9, 2011 10:18 PM
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Lynn said...

Thanks for the update but more importantly you are in my thoughts. Actually before I knew what has been up you have been in my thoughts b/c I can’t quit thinking about sweets and always wait to see what cute thing you have come up with next but that is not impt. right now! So take care of yourself!!! Continue to be strong and I am keeping you in my thoughts for a speedy recovery!

March 9, 2011 10:19 PM
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Susan said...

I have enjoyed your blog for so long and never commented until now. Please know that I send you love and prayers for a speedy recovery!

March 9, 2011 10:19 PM
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Cheryl said...

I have been reading your website for ages, but have never posted. Here’s sending you many hugs and even more prayers. You are an amazing woman and I pray that everything works out for you!

March 9, 2011 10:20 PM
645
Tory said...

Get well soon Bakerella, we’ll all be here when you get back :)

March 9, 2011 10:21 PM
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sarah said...

Get well soon bakerella!! i miss you already.. keep on coming back for new posts, but got nothing. :( and now i know.. take care Bakerella.. be brave! I’ll pray for your speedy recovery! Hugs and Kisses..:)

March 9, 2011 10:22 PM
647
Mia said...

My prayers are with you!

March 9, 2011 10:22 PM
648
Kate Rosalind said...

Oh my goodness, here I was being selfish and wondering when I would get to read more of you lovely posts. A friend went through kidney failure two years ago, luckily he is now doing fine but it was a stressful time for all of us and he will be on drugs for the rest of his life. I hope you get well soon and all of our thoughts are with you! Hopefully next time you come to Toronto I will be able to see you, instead of writing the SAT like I was last time!

March 9, 2011 10:23 PM
649
jane jalowitz said...

Prayers are with you! Take care, and please keep us posted on any news about the transplant.

March 9, 2011 10:23 PM
650
Tonya A said...

Many prayer and well wishes!!! Praying for a healthy recovery!

March 9, 2011 10:23 PM
651
Anonymous said...

This is so heartbreaking…but the power of prayer is wonderful! My best friend is only 30 years old and has had a multiple-visceral transplant (multiple organs) twice in the past two years! It has been a rough road but her faith has been astounding! Praying that your mom is a match for you! You will be in my prayers!

March 9, 2011 10:23 PM
652
Kate Rosalind said...

also, kidney cake pops might be a little de-appetizing, but you could try asian inspired red bean ice cream! (kidney beans -> red beans). Let us on the internet know if there’s anything we can do to help!

March 9, 2011 10:26 PM
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Wendy said...

Big hugs!

March 9, 2011 10:26 PM
654
Kimberly said...

We love you, Bakerella! Thoughts and prayers headed your way from NJ!

March 9, 2011 10:27 PM
655
DeLynn said...

I am so sorry! Thank you for letting your fans know about what is going on. As much as we all LOVE your creations, you are WAY more important than any cute treats you might teach us to make. You are in my prayers!

March 9, 2011 10:28 PM
656
Amanda said...

You are such a strong person to go through this and be so positive. Hugs to you! :)

March 9, 2011 10:29 PM
657
Sara-Jayne said...

I’m so sorry you have been so ill. Big, big hugs to a speedy and safe recovery!

March 9, 2011 10:30 PM
658
Kari said...

I also have never commented but I am a constant reader of your wonderful blog. Many prayers are coming your way!

March 9, 2011 10:31 PM
659
Fairly Odd Mother said...

Will be thinking of you and hoping you are able to get a healthy kidney very soon. I’m so sorry you are going through this.

March 9, 2011 10:32 PM
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nicole said...

wishing you the best! fingers crossed your mama is a match!!

March 9, 2011 10:32 PM
661
Amanda Mueller said...

I am so sorry to hear, being a transplant receiver also, I understand. My prayers will be with you that you are comfortable and that you receive one in a timely fashion.

March 9, 2011 10:33 PM
662
Sarah said...

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep us updated as we will all be thinking of you!

March 9, 2011 10:33 PM
663
Jennifer said...

I’m sorry to hear you have been having a difficult time, you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

March 9, 2011 10:34 PM
664
Ashley said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers! Stay strong, and keep the faith. God has a reason for everything, even though we don’t always understand. I will pray for your mom to be a match. We are all behind you and wishing you a fast recovery :-)
I love you site, and check it everyday! I just got a copy of your book too. Thanks for all your cheer and great ideas.

March 9, 2011 10:34 PM
665
MaryAnn said...

Get well soon :)

March 9, 2011 10:35 PM
666
Kristi said...

Today is the first time I’ve visited your site and read your message. I’m sorry for the health issue your are going through. I appreciate your positive outlook. It is so inspiring. I wish you all the best and will keep you in my prayers. I look forward to your future posts!

March 9, 2011 10:35 PM
667
Allyson/HBMomof2 said...

Cupcakes, cake pops and cute can wait. Your health and well being is so much more important. My thoughts are with you, my prayers are with you, and I am giving you a huge healing hug via the internet.

March 9, 2011 10:36 PM
668
Kathleen Ward said...

I’ve been thinking of you and will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prays.

March 9, 2011 10:36 PM
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Marian (Sweetopia) said...

Angie,
Big big BIG hugs to you!! Sending you (((virtual ones))), lots of love and prayers. xoxo

March 9, 2011 10:36 PM
670
Robin said...

I am sorry that you are not doing well. I hope that you are up and about very soon!

March 9, 2011 10:36 PM
671
Anu said...

I wish you the speediest recovery! You are a beautiful, talented, wonderful person (I’ve never met you but I can tell =) ).. and beautiful talented wonderful people get the best gifts from up above. I know you’ll pull through! and fast!

March 9, 2011 10:36 PM
672
Melody said...

You encourage me to get off my butt and do something . . . recently I found a bump in my left breast and do the routinary tests . . . and still waiting for them. I was feeling bumped, then read your blog and see your videos and feel so good so I start making the cake pops . . . they are a juge sensation. I’m from Puerto Rico and people never saw them before. So, I get of my butt and put me to work. My prayers are with you . . . Hope you found what you need, an fast. Dios te bendiga ( God Bless )

March 9, 2011 10:37 PM
673
anonymous said...

I’m thinking and praying for you!

March 9, 2011 10:37 PM
674
CK said...

I was wondering why you’ve been gone! I’m so sorry to hear about your kidney. Hopefully your mom is a potential donor- dialysis isn’t fun :( I hope everything turns out wonderfully and I really hope you keep us updated!!! *hugs* Feel better!!!

March 9, 2011 10:39 PM
675
krystal p said...

You know, in a way its almost like God gave you the gift of bakerella so that you could share it with all of us, so that when the time came for your deep need for support to be fulfilled, it could be realized by those of us whose lives have been enriched by a ball of cake rolled in candy coating. Thanks for being vulnerable, and allowing us to give back to you.

March 9, 2011 10:39 PM
676
Rhiannon Strick said...

If all your readers had a blood test done, I am sure you would have several matches. That’s a small price to pay to ensure a longer life for you and that we would get more adorable cake art from you! I hope your mom is a match! Will be praying for you!

March 9, 2011 10:40 PM
677
Mandy Smith said...

It sounds like you have a great support system. I’m wishing you speedy recovery. BIG ole’ hugs to you!

March 9, 2011 10:41 PM
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Susan said...

Wow! Hope you are back to your baking self in no time! Sending all the good thoughts I can your way for a speedy repair and recovery.

March 9, 2011 10:41 PM
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Karen O said...

Sending you all the thoughts/prayers/and healthy wishes possible through this computer! I can’t believe the strength that you have h ad to keep up all that you have done, given what you’ve been going through. Hoping that things turn out for the best!

March 9, 2011 10:41 PM
680
Rebecca Turkoglu said...

I am sending as much energy your way! I have been missing you but now that I know I will send more energy and prayers than I had been previously. Heal, and I see you with so much more renewed energy soon! Prayers to your Mom too for being so willing to find out if she can be your donor!

March 9, 2011 10:43 PM
681
MB Snow said...

Best of luck to you!

March 9, 2011 10:43 PM
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melissa said...

just wanted to add my get well wishes. I hope your mom is a match and you to have a speedy recovery.

March 9, 2011 10:44 PM
683
Sirena said...

You’re amazing. You have brought joy to so many lives. Everything will go great and you’ll be back with us in know time. How about kidney shaped cake pops? =) Best wishes in the weeks to come and I pray they’ll find a donor for you soon!!

March 9, 2011 10:44 PM
684
eek said...

I’m not a big fan of cake pops but your super cute and creative ones would easily woo me over. Can’t wait to see your new creations! Hope all works out well for you and soon!

March 9, 2011 10:44 PM
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Jenny said...

I’m so sorry to hear you haven’t been well. I will send wishes and prayers for a donor and a speedy recovery soon.

March 9, 2011 10:45 PM
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LibraryGirl62 said...

Take Care of Yourself! Hugs and prayers :)

March 9, 2011 10:45 PM
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Kathy said...

Bless your heart sweety. I will pray for your health and healing. I love this website and enjoy it so much. Please take care and get your rest.

March 9, 2011 10:45 PM
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Steffany said...

Praying for you during this hard time, may you have a speedy recovery.

March 9, 2011 10:46 PM
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Shelley said...

Thoughts, prayers, well wishes, and sugary sweet hugs go out to you, my dear….we are all holding you up…on a stick…of a cake pop… :0)

March 9, 2011 10:46 PM
690
Shaunda said...

Wishing you and your family all the best. Hope you are on your way to a speedy recovery.

March 9, 2011 10:47 PM
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Jazzmin said...

My thoughts and prayers go out to you. You are so strong. stay positive!!

March 9, 2011 10:47 PM
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annawithlove said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your loved ones. You are so brave and strong, all my love! x
anna

March 9, 2011 10:48 PM
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Kiki said...

Thank you for sharing this intimate part of your life with us – just as you said we brighten your day, each day I use my fabulous cake pops christmas present, my day is brightened as well. Big prayers sent for a safe and speedy recovery. We’re so happy you’re at least feeling good enough to post again!

March 9, 2011 10:49 PM
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Kelly Atwood said...

Thank you for being transparent, I know it was hard to do. You are a treasure and I will be praying for you. You have inspired me in so many ways. My friend and I met you in Oregon and your spirit left a huge impression on us. We tease and call you ‘Ang’ like you are our friend. We say ‘hmm what would ‘Ang’ do?’. It’s how we make important baking decisions. Anyway, thank you for sharing your ‘cute’ with us and pieces of you.

March 9, 2011 10:50 PM
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mitzi @ my nikon eats food said...

oh i’m so sorry to hear this…take all the time you need, we’ll be here!

March 9, 2011 10:51 PM
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Natalie V in Oklahoma said...

Keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

March 9, 2011 10:51 PM
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Amy said...

We’ll be praying for you! Keep that chin up and good luck!

March 9, 2011 10:51 PM
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Revati said...

Get well soon !!!!!!!!!

March 9, 2011 10:52 PM
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Rachael said...

Prayers! Hugs! Get Well wishes!

March 9, 2011 10:52 PM
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Liz said...

Bakerella….you have been my inspiration!! I love your posts and wish you a speedy recovery!

March 9, 2011 10:52 PM
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